goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Your dad touched me again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
