there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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