i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize