dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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