While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
