Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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