is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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