I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
