My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
