I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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