I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
