At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
