There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
