My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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