I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is Oprah even human
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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