He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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