butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
as a side note pls kill me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize