Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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