wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
