Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
