I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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