I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
