All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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