Whoa Z and x make the same sound
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize