I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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