I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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