Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
