I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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