I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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