i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
