your thong is hanging out like whoa
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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