today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
