just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
