I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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