Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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