Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
