well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
