8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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