lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
