yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
