Pants 0. Shit 1.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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