i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
