if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
