Can Purell be used as lube?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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