i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize