He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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