eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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