the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
