just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
