tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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