Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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