I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
