trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
