did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
