We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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