The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
