Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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