Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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