Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
