you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
