ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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