Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
