Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
