The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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