I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
