Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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